RE: Innocent users

["ekempter" <noerick.norcal@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

RPG: Create DSPF for Foot, Create PF for Bullets, Create PGM for Gun.
Compile. Determine errors in one or all three.  You evenutally shoot
yourself in the foot. <g>

-----Original Message-----
From: owner-midrange-l@midrange.com
[mailto:owner-midrange-l@midrange.com]On Behalf Of MacWheel99@aol.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 05, 2000 2:24 AM
To: MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com
Subject: Re: Innocent users


> End user - A command regrettably not implemented in most operating
>             systems.
>
>  From my own version of the IT Devil's Dictionary at:
>
>     http://www.isham-research.freeserve.co.uk/dd.html

Except that you call "End User" a noun & in this context it is a Verb, or a
verb then noun.

I like these Project Management Proverbs in the last Praxis newsletter ...
perhaps you can ask permission from http://www.sysmod.com/praxis to use
them.

The same work under the same conditions will be estimated differently by ten
different estimators or by one estimator at ten different times.

A change freeze is like the abominable snowman: it is a myth and would
anyway
melt when heat is applied.

I could send you via attached document if you interested ... I have
collection of computer humor jokes, few of them as terse as as yours.  Here
is one example so you can see the flavor of what I have collected.  I can
enjoy them, I just am no good at crafting them, or else AS/400 languages
would also be in this collection.

Do NOT send requests to the list or David will get annoyed ... tell ME you
want a copy of my JOKPCW2.DOC file (is in Word 2k) or you want RTF version
or
even RTF in ZIP.

THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
difficult to remember which one you're currently using. This handy
reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find
themselves in such a dilemma.


TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.


C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is
impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are
just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run
out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out
of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways
because you have no exception-handling capability.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently
load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the
foot. However, when you do, you discover you can't because your foot
is of the wrong type.

COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to
HOLSTER. CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be re-tied.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot.
The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it
to explain it to you.

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large
systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the
foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you.
Answer the result.

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory
handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the
trigger, the gun jams.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out
how to do it in fewer characters.

SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail,
shoot yourself in the right foot.

Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: no such file or directory
% ls
%

Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page
document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years
later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can,
too.

Access: You point the gun at your foot and pull the trigger. A little
flag pops out of the gun which reads, "Error: call to undefined
dynalink". The gun then proceeds to explode in your hand.

Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in
the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little
bullet-thingies are for.

Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you
must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

MacWheel99@aol.com (Alister Wm Macintyre) (Al Mac)


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